and my conclusion is....

I feel like my life is continually spiraling out of control. It's almost as if no matter what I do, no matter how I go about things and no matter what it is I say nothing happens the way I want it. I'm fed up with the fact that my life and my family are not nearly as important as others. Its sad that this is supposed  to be family, maybe not my family but still family all the same. I hate that when I stood up for something and decided it had to be the time that I was called names and told how someone else helped much more than I did, when as a matter of fact I am the reason things are the way the are, I am the reason this family is still together and this family still has everything it needs. I'm the reason that other's are still doing good in their life, and yet I'm the bad person?
Yet what hurts the worst is that the one person that I expected to be there for me, that I expected to stand up for me sat there and didn't care about what was said about me, sat there and acted like it wasn't wrong of the other person. Slowly and surely I'm gaining my strength, and it will be here in due time. I hope that when it finally does that people are ready for the big changes. I don't see any of this being fair, and if someone else continues to see it as OK then I guess they are in for a rude awakening in the end being gone and out of sight. I hope then they sit back and think "was it really worth it?" because I am the only one that stood by their side and took what they gave, no matter how big it was or how bad it hurt. I'm the only one that stuck by them and they are disappointing me the most. :(

no introductions needed....

I need to remember this blog is here and to write in it... So lets talk a little about the family :)

This is my brother and I. This is during the Breast Cancer walk we did last year. I'm glad we did this, and I'm glad to have my big brother around. He really is an amazing guy, and makes me proud. 

Cant you tell he loves me :)

Well that's what I'd like to think is going on. What really is going on here is he's telling me, "Don't tell mom on me when you get older." Sad thing is.... I didn't listen.

This is the boy-friend Christopher. We've been together for 7 years now. There's been some bad, but mostly good. We're still going strong.

Oh my Daddy... He is the numero uno man in my life. He's here for me when I need him and loves me unconditionally.

Noah, Brooklynn and Dylan (Buggy). These boys mean ton's to me. I'll always be Auntie 'Ren and when they want to run from their Mommy and Daddy, I'll be right here for them :)

Syndey, look at this pretty girl, she can't help but melt your heart. I know she'll want me sometime because those two boys above are her brothers, heck I'd run too.

And obviously I've written about this women so much you probably already know so much about her.

This woman is my rock and I miss her more than anyone can know. What I would not give for one more hug, one more I love you. 

<3

bringing back the rain

I haven't written on here in a while, and I know that it could help me more than I can really ever see.
The past couple of day's after work I've come home to watch television shows on my DVR, old ones, I mean like last year old. I guess after mom, and then school and work at the same time I hadn't had the time.
Sometimes I think about my mom watching these shows, how we'd watch them together. I hate that life just continues. It's a never ending thing and my mom is missing out on so much. Life, television shows, new movies, farmville... lol, she really loved it. I'm hating it. Brooklynn's birthday is coming up and sadly I just haven't really felt like planning a party, I dont feel like going on right now without my mom. She didnt get to go to Brooklynn's 2nd birthday either. I am beginning to break again and I hate it.