Goodbye January, Hello February

So I'm sitting here getting ready for bed, sadly I know I should have gone to bed a good 3 hours ago, it really stinks that I get so tired after work that I take a 2 hour nap. I know I'll be regretting it in the morning when I hear the "eeee eeee eeee" of my alarm clock waking me up reminding me that I can't be lazy anymore and have to get out and go to freaking work in the negative temp.
Which reminds me, when exactly is summer again, no nevermind, I'll take Spring, I dislike the cold, but I really cant stand super hot gotta stay inside weather too. Brooklynn's been begging me to go outside and ride her bike. I'd take her out in the snow, but remember my last statement, I dislike the cold.
So anyways, if you've been following facebook updates, I got a job not that long ago, perfect timing and this time I'd like to thank Craigslist for it. Only thing its done good for me. I didnt realize how much I truly miss Denny's and waiting on tables until I went back to work. I was hired in as a cook, but my "passion" is being out with the customers, taking their orders, hearing stories. Today was the best actually. A couple came in from secretary of state and when I told them to enjoy their meal the lady told me I was the sweetest. Then said they'd be back to see me, I really felt accomplished for the day. Only thing I dont like.... getting up early. My days have been kind of hectic, I go to work, I get home and love on my little one who always misses mommy at work, then I do some homework, and when I finish that, (it pains me to say this) I play a little world of warcraft.
Ok, I guess I should explain this. I hate this game, really I do. I had broken up with Chris on countless occasions because of this game, and one day I sat down and played Brooklynn's character she jumps around on and then I got my own little account. Yeh it really pains me to say I play this game now. Alright enough of that. I need to get to bed and quit talking about this, haha.
Tomorrow its time to finish some psychology and anatomy and physiology, ugh yeh not looking forward to that.

Brand new year, same old sadness

It's the start of the brand new year, I've ruined my new years resolution to quit smoking probably 10 minutes after the ball dropped. I also think (even though everyone says no) I ruined the New Year's Party I was at. It's a very devastating feeling to wear the bracelet your mom's ashes are in and then to look at it and see the end cap has come off and obviously the ashes have fallen out. So tomorrow I will have to get with the funeral home who still has some of my mother's ashes and have them refill it and then take the rest of the ashes to be home with me.
I also realize in the car driving home, I dont believe what anyone says about it getting easier over time to deal with the loss of a parent. I now see why my dad still has sadness over the loss of his mother. It doesn't get any easier to be here, healthy, happy and with family and friends when the one person you could turn to is no longer with us. My mom lived a long life, one that was a battle each and every day for 15 years. The hardest part for me to wrap my head around is people who dont ever do any wrong are punished for nothing, but people who hurt others and do wrong in life skate through with no consequences.
The person who was my rock, the one I could go to when I needed something, or someone to talk talk is gone. I cant deal with that, there are plenty of times I've wanted to pick up the phone and just call my mom, then I remember she's not here anymore. I can talk to her all I want, like everyone says, she can still hear you, but she cant talk back, and thats what I need the most. Her voice, her smile, her telling me it will all be ok.